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Ask America: Can A N95 or Surgical Mask Protect My Son From Catching Homosexuality?

Mike Pence forced to wear facial mask to avoid catching gay from Pete Buttigieg

Q: Dear America:

I have two college aged sons who rent apartments in two of the hardest hit regions of the United States (one is in California, the other in New York). They were both born here in Indiana.

Since they still have a lease, they have stayed with their roommates and worked during this time of social distancing.

Both of them are essential workers and they’ve actually worked longer hours in their jobs. They both tell me that their ‘gay’ coworkers are still being lavish, with eating expensive spicily Mexican takeout that makes them sneeze and cough, vaping flavored marijuana oils that makes them cough and doing that tonguey accented lisp thing that gays do when they talk, surely sending spittle up through whatever masks they are wearing.

My question is can higher quality masks decrease my sons’ risk of catching gay in the workplace?

  • Worried Mom in Indiana

A: Dear Worried Mom in Indiana,

There is good news here and bad news. You are absolutely right to be worried about your sons catching homosexuality: research from the CDC shows that over 70% cases of confirmed homosexuality are usually secondary to exposure.

While some exposure is direct, like from watching two men hold hands or smooch on of these modern day sitcoms, others are more invisible and airborne. There is no current known vaccine or medicinal treatment for being gay, making preventative measures extremely important.

The molecules that transfer this condition tend to have a fatty-lipid layer. N95 masks are not great at catching oil-laced particles. The same is true for surgical masks. There are E95 and P95 masks that can block oil particles, in addition to small harmful molecules. The problem is that all of these masks are currently being used to minimize spread of the novel coronavirus, leaving hardly any to help prevent community spread homosexuality.

Remind your sons that keeping 15 feet away from gay gossip circles (research shows they tend to gather several times per day in a workplace) and using a good allergy medicine can minimize risk and damage. All the best to you and yours!

-Helen Jo

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Written by Helen Jo Ellen

Love nice walks and meeting up with my friends to chat. Baking with the grands is my heart. Sharing my thoughts to a fading world is my passion.

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