Homosexuality is spreading at an alarming rate. The CDC reports that for every 100 men, 5 are full out gay. But even more startling, for every 100 men, 43 are secretly or agnostic gay.
Why are so many men undecided on their homosexuality? It used to be you were either Johnny Cash or Pavarotti, blue jeans or leather chaps. Now men get married to wives and have children, yet secretly lust for weekend trysts with Cabana boys in Cuba. We have seen sterling Republicans and church pastors fall down the murky, turgid pits of homosexuality and up to this point, we have failed to ask the most important question. Why?
Well, thankfully the image above was mailed to my inbox by reader Dan W. from Oregon. Dan came across this image and professors at his university confirmed the chemical being shot from the back of this jet is a homosexualized version of a drug very similar to crystal meth.
[adinserter block=”1″]The bright, alluring colors are the ethyr vapors of the same substance used to make carnival glass, which you will likely find adorning the mantle or curio cabinet of a gay man’s well decorated pad. When the toxic gas enters the lungs, it causes the body to feel sweaty and primal, primed for intense doses of foreign testosterone.
The history of Homosexual Chemtrails is actually honorable. During the Reagan era, the chemical was actually developed to weaken the armies of the Soviet Union. Instead of fighting the might of the USSR, Reagan plotted to use clever techniques such as Star Wars, prayer and chemically-induced homosexuality to throw Russia into a state of chaos.
The plans worked. Reports of Russian soldiers braving Siberian winters ‘beneath the sheets’ became that of legend, Vladimir Putin still showing latent signs of rugged homosexuality that even he could not fight off.
More recently, US jets flew sorties over North Korea, attempting to weaken Kim Jong Un’s reign over the nation by altering his DNA to have a higher affinity for homosexuality. The government photo at right shows the success of those efforts, as we can see the leader posing in a Greek-styled sauna in a blue dress, his pleasure men tending to his every whim.
But as expected, Obama has taken a weapon meant to weaken the enemies of America and turned it on the citizens of the United States. All within areas where gay marriage incidence has sharply increased and especially in regions where outbreaks of homosexuality have increased, we have more documented reports of planes flying overhead, squirting out torrents of rainbow colored gases.
[adinserter name=”bigskyright”]If you notice a once stable man in your life showing signs of homosexuality, perhaps he’s a bit snippier or sassy, or just enjoys finding new recipes on HGTV or sharing heartwarming stories from the Ellen news feed on his Facebook wall, suspect that these chemtrails are responsible and it is all part of the Obama administration’s plan to lower the US birthrate by causing men to use all of their energy seeking the loins of other men.
You know, i seriously hope this is satire otherwise it is confirmed americans really are as stupid as the world sees them.
There seemed to be some confusion about chemically induced homosexuality. While the chemtrails provide a very hardy, potent amount of a customized chemical agent, that does not mean it cannot occur in nature. There were several excursions in ethnobotonay in South America where isolated tribes were using plant-derived substances to tip their spears and arrows, flinging them at their enemies. The natural compounds had similar effect of making warriors more prone to ‘homosexuality’ and distracting their military advances. Here’s a link about the bangalala homosexual root for those interested: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Typha_capensis.
You really are stupid aren’t you. WOW..
It is funny how conservatives will leap beyond logic to try to validate their beliefs, but they cannot accept that maybe, just maybe, people are born gay. No additives or preservatives needed. Just natural.
heres the real kicker- the etiology of homosexuality doesn’t matter one bit. Even if it was a choice LBGT individuals would still deserve all the rights they’re campaigning for.
the real kicker is that if it is really a choice , then it is perverted from what is normal. aka the lgbt community is actually all perverts , that’s why they fight the idea of choice so much.
ABE GOODMAN YOU ARE AN IDIOT AND YOUR MORALS ARE SUSPECT. YOU CAN’T INFECT PEOPLE WITH HOMOSEXUALITY. IT’S NOT A DISEASE. YOU MAY WANT TO KEEP YOUR STUPIDITY UNDER WRAPS. INSTEAD OF EMBARRASSING YOURSELF IN FRONT OF THE WORLD. MORON.
Considering how the ancient Greeks and others enjoyed gay lifestyles in the army and how exceptionally successful Alexander the Great, gay leader par excellence was, this theory has about as many holes as a vegetable strainer.
You Sir are an evil evil man. Bangalala root indeed. Everyone knows it was Bigus Dickus in the 1st century bc that discovered the effects of Valarien root combined with mandrake root. Served up with a bit of pesto and a side of fries turned the butchest to pansy overnight.
I hope this is satire. Also, as an American, I feel the need to defend us. Sure, there are a fraction of Americans that believe silly, embarrassing things like this. I don’t believe that an American is the only kind of human subject to stupidity. It saddens me that the south has given us our name while it is only a portion of the brains in our country.
It HAS to be satire! The “government” photo they show that purports to show proof that Kim Jong Un went gay is a still from PSY’s music video for “Gangnam Style”!
I can’t tell if the author is a comedic satirical genius or a right wing wacko bird but either way, an intensely funny article either way. Bangalala root, homosexual meth, “primed for intense doses of foreign testosterone”. Brilliant comedy!
Gussy it up however you want, Goodman. What matters is does it work? Will it really convert my mighty straight friends, man?
“Homosexuality is spreading at an alarming rate. The CDC reports that for every 100 men, 5 are full out gay. But even more startling, for every 100 men, 43 are secretly or agnostic gay. ”
(Read: 43 out of 100 men have varying levels of attraction to their own gender – from mere platonic brotherhood to actual sexual attraction – which may or may not be acted upon).
This having been said, it only echoes what G0ys have been saying all along…http://www.g0ys.org
However, homosexuality is not ‘spreading’…sexual orientation is not a disease. It is, in it’s many different levels and expressions, a natural phenomenon.
Only 38-40% of men identify as totally heterosexual.
9-12% identify as homosexual.
But 48-52% of men reside on a sliding scale, with varying levels of attraction to their own gender.
So while the article was meant to seem ‘crackpot’ or satirical, and the assertions of ‘chemical spraying’ are ludicrous, there is a element of truth to the statistics of varied sexual orientations – when framed from a viewpoint that it is a naturally occurring phenomenon and is expressed in a multitude of forms.
As for the assertions of the article regarding spraying…in serious studies and reports – there seems to be evidence leading to the conclusions that whatever is being sprayed – in many cases it is causing hormonal and other serious health changes in the populace.
So, there may be an element of truth, but not in the tongue-in-cheek manner this article presented.
I have noticed a lot more of these people and was thinking this before reading this so hope I never gone this way else have to seek treatment
Are you really that stupid Wayne? You see a lot more of them!! Like Gay has a look!! lol OMW Wayne if you’re starting to see a lot more of them then – you must be turning into one and you’re developing Gaydar – it’s like radar but you see gay people because you are one too. you better get treatment before it’s to late and you ask me for my phone number LOL
what a load of crap!!! It’s in the water I drank!! :))
Deeply interesting article although the methodology is slightly flawed. The the Data you quote is not current data – and when you add the standard delay in collecting the data (and the time it takes for the chemicals to actually do their nefarious work) that alas – the data shows this rise in homosexuality clearly predates Obama and can ONLY be explained as a Republican Government (Bush) initiative. It is beyond my understanding why the Republican Government would do this – (but then most actions of the Bush government were beyond rational analysis so it does fit in with their general mode of operation)
A whole new level of STUPID brought to you by the ignorance of those on the RIGHT. The Right, wrong for the USA, wrong everywhere. Y’all on the Right are one blissful bunch.
Why is the Right automatically blamed for this, because it was going to be used by Reagan? No where in the article does it say that this was developed by the Right. Just that Reagan used it in Russia and was developed during his era. The first paragraph says that Republicans and Church Pastors are turning homosexual. NOT one mention in the article of who created this chemical. HOWEVER, you left out the part where someone on the LEFT is using this chemical on his own people!! What about that Jeff? You’re just like Barry Soetoro aka Obama and you point your finger at the Right without one ounce of proof that the Right created this chemical. The story is a bunch of crap!! There is no such thing as this chemical. Fact is Gay people are feeling a little safer now about coming out and being who they are now! That’s all that is happening.
OK, I confess. We did it mainly over the Bible Belt.
My best work is in Lindsey Graham.
A macho war munger in public , a sausage smoking Southern Bell in private!
Well, the issue is not about sex, it is about the tic tac toe chemical trails in the sky that were not there a couple of years ago and now are always up there making the sky a silver haze of fake clouds that make it impossible to see the Milky Way at night and a clear day in the daytime. When was the last time you saw a clear cobalt blue sky last for more then a day? Here on the Northern California Coast we hgad the clearest , blue skies for the first 40 years I lived here, I arrived in 1971. Now we have chem trails that spread from their pencil thin lines into clouds as you watch them spread out on the wind at 30,000 feet above. It is happening all over the world, not just in the USA. I have seen this in Africa and in South America and in Arizona. Who is doing this? Why are they doing this ? Who is paying for the cost of this ? What chemicals are in the spray?
Why does the media not report on this ? Is this something we should be worring about ?
Then Paul I have one question for you. Why have you not turned gay yet?
“The CDC reports that for every 100 men, 5 are full out gay.”
Did the author of this article (posted on Reddit) actually READ the source he links to for that statistic? I did. And it’s not the Center for Disease Control.
The relevant information, supposedly from the CDC, is actually presented this way: “At least 5 percent of American men, I ESTIMATE, are predominantly attracted to men, and millions of gay men still live, to some degree, in the closet.” (My emphasis.)
And that “source” is NOT THE CDC. It’s an NYT Op-Ed piece about the *difficulty* in determining how much of the male population is gay, due to the effect of *intolerance* on men’s willingness to identify as homosexual. Seeking alternative sources more likely to gather unintimidated disclosure, the NYT writer studied publicly available aggregated data from, for just 2 examples, Match.com and Facebook.
The author is blatantly lying. Did he think nobody would notice? Hmm, what else could he be LYING about?
Not that the CDC would ever be a legitimate source for such a statistic anyway, since homosexuality is not a “disease.”
This article is clearly a joke. What scares me is that there are people who actually believe this kind of stuff.
Believers: what would the motive be?
After reading the comments I’ll say one thing seriously. I notice that the ones taking this seriously seem to be on the left side of the political spectrum. And here I thought -they- were the ones with superior cognitive skills, sense of humor, etc.
I love how all these people are so offended; it’s hilarious. Keep up the good work!