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Top Six Trumpian Cures for Coronavirus

1.  Stare Into A Solar Eclipse To Get the UV Rays In Your Body

They say your eyes are the window to the soul, so what better way to cleanse your soul and body of coronavirus than letting all that sunlight in?

Research shows that the coronavirus hates the sunlight.  It hates it, it’s amazing.  Just like when you were a kid and had a magnifying glass, you could capture some ants or spiders, then carefully funnel the light through to them and watch them burn like the unholy home invading border crossing insects they are.  The coronavirus is just another bug like them.

Democrat scientists will claim that you cannot stare directly into the sunlight, especially during a solar eclipse, but that is because they want you to buy 3D glasses that are known to fund Hollywood.

2.  Shoot Up On Lysol and Clorox disinfectants

“I see the disinfectant, where it knocks it out in a minute. One minute. And is there a way we can do something like that, by injection inside or almost a cleaning. Because you see it gets in the lungs and it does a tremendous number on the lungs. So it would be interesting to check that.” – President Trump

Liberal doctors are angry of course, spoiling the idea with their ‘facts’:  

“This notion of injecting or ingesting any type of cleansing product into the body is irresponsible and it’s dangerous. It’s a common method that people utilize when they want to kill themselves.” – Vin Gupta, global-policy health expert.

3.  Deny the Democrat Hoax!

Democrat liberals are born with one purpose:  destroy Jesus and reign in a new age of liberal darkness.  President Trump’s presidency has shown all the secret enemies of America: decorated generals, “respected statesmen”, medical “doctors” and RNs, respiratory therapists, tenured professors, senators, church pastors live streaming services instead of sneaking and holding a packed house, PhD “scientists” and the list goes on.  So many people have spent decades in their careers and fields of expertise, all as a sham to eventually come out and try to destroy President Trump’s credibility!

Why do we believe in the coronavirus?  Because CNN said it was true?  Because hospitals are hiring crisis actors to come act as sick patients, while all the doctors and nurses are raking in their overpriced salaries and on vacation, selling off all the extra N95 masks and ventilators so they can buy their next private plane and build a vacation house in Italy!

All a hoax!  And the hoax will go away whenever Hilary or George Soros unleahes their next plan!

4.  Get In Your Truck, Wave Your ConfederateNazis Flag, then DEMAND THE ECONOMY REOPEN!

The data shows this ‘virus’ is mainly knocking off old weak people (probably used to be hippies) and the blacks in bigger numbers.  Everyone else is just fine.  Who said those people aren’t just dying from all the drugs they took in their younger years or maybe something like sugar diabetes or heart disease from all the sweet potato pies and salty chitterlings they ate against their doctor’s advice?

But then the liberals are blaming the fake news virus!

How about we liberate America!

* But wait, since Georgia has a Republican governor and this may come back to look back on Trump, let’s preemptively say ‘Not in Georgia’ and throw everyyone there under the proverbial bus in case the democrats were right.

5.  Hydroxychloroquine!

If you talk to a doctor about using hydroxychloroquine to treat the coronavirus, they will start ranting and raving about things like SP02, vaccines and testing needing done and QT.  The most ignorant thing about all this is them assuming that anyone would buy a drug like hydroxycholorquine at their local Quick Trip (QT) gas station!  I don’t know about you, but I don’t go to gas station pharmacies and if I did, yes, I would worry about QT medications giving me heart palpitations.

Scientists claim that there are not any significant pieces of evidence to say the drug is effective or not dangerous to just take on a whim, but PRESIDENT TRUMP has a good feeling about it!  So who do you listen to, people who spent decades in training, research and study, or the PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES of AMERICA’s | GUT | INSTICT.

Gut instinct.

6.  Hakuna Matata

One day, we will all wake up and this will just all go away.  Sure, at this point the coronavirus scare has gone beyond 15 days because people are being forced to stay at home and not at church praying in megaclusters of power.  But one day, this will all just disappear maybe?

Hakuna matata is Afican for ‘It means no worries, for the rest of your days”.  It is a problem free, philosophy and our philosopher president understands complex things like this. 

What do you think?

Written by Gene Fairbanks

Delivering crisp and professional journalism to the world.

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