Gays Invent ‘Dad Bod’ Craze To Cause Wives to Divorce Flabby Husbands, Then Prey On Them

gay dad bod conspiracy to to increase divorce rate, prey on divorced and depressed husbands

Gays have used the power of social media to convince married men that their flabby, out-of-shape ‘dad bods’ are desirable to their shocked wives.  After their wives tire of seeing them frolic about as if they are fit, they will divorce their husbands, take the kids and leave him broke, destitute, unable to attract a new women and thus vulnerable to the seductions of a preying, prowling gay laying in wait.

The gays have hatched a nefarious new plan to increase heterosexual divorce rates and destroy the nuclear family.

In particular, the gays have used their mastery of social media to hatch a complex scheme that will leave currently married men divorced, confused and prone to be seduced by a gay male.

Gay marriage proponents started their viral media campaign only earlier this week, but the CDC estimates that over 80 million men and women have liked the ‘dad bod’ trend on Facebook, while thousands of others have retweeted pictures of ‘dad bods’ with hashtag #sexydadbod.

In the gay community, dadbods are extremely rare.  Gays are fastidious about their appearance, hours of grueling workouts in the gym leading to chiseled physiques.  Other gays tend to be ‘burly’, a classic mix of rugged country and flesh that contains thick, powerful muscles beneath.  This means that flabby dadbods are a rare and succulent treat for the gay palate, in that a dadbod’s rump is prime, fresh and flabby, just like a choice cut of well-marbled steak.

This seduction plan is going swimmingly well for gays.  Already, married female traffic rates to affair websites are skyrocketing.  Profiles on these websites indicate women are ‘secretly disgusted’ by their husbands suddenly strutting around with beer guts hanging out and ashamed of them posting pictures of their ‘dad bods’ to their Facebook news feed.

“My girlfriends at work saw [name redacted] posting pictures of his beer belly on his Facebook wall.  I was so ashamed.  I was so ashamed.  My husband is a nice guy, but it made me realize that maybe I could be doing better,” said one wife on her affair-site profile.

Soon her husband will likely find himself the victim of an affair or divorced, which will leave him vulnerable.  This leaves him jaded against same-sex marriage and primed to be on the receiving end of a seductive buckling session of sweat, mixed emotions and intense doses of foreign testosterone.

Already, gays are bragging about seducing these ‘dad bods’.  They are discussing how to hunt them down, keep tabs on their social media profile to see if they are  buying into the trend and then to wait in prey of their inevitable relationship destruction and moment of weakness.

And in that moment of weakness, they will poke these fallen and confused ex-husband and start grooming them for a one night stand of homosexuality.  Gay life is highly addictive:  it only takes one hit to make even the most straight of men a lifelong resident of West Hollyhood.

Will the dadbod trend destroy my family and leave my husband weak and vulnerable to gay seduction?

Gay men tend to be sharp and quick witted, their unusually high level of mental alertness complimented by their intense vigor for life and high level of imagination.  Gays tend to have a high IQ, regularly matching wits and taunting the likes of Marilyn Voss Savant for sport.   While gay men could use their typical high-powered degrees and remarkable cognizance for the greater good of humanity and to cure things such as cancer, they unfortunately are ornery and devote much of their energy into legalizing gay marriage, exotic weekend benders and seducing straight, married men.

So hence their latest scheme, the ‘dad bod’.  Millions of men now believe that their fat, flabby bodies are an attractive thing.  Remember that in the gay community, a fat man is a rare sight.  The flab on his body indicates a well-marbled cut of meat for the gay palette, so they would love nothing more than to prep him for a searing night of savory exhaustion fueled by the juices of spent, fat-laden testosterone.

Gays are on the prowl and married men the premier item on their menu.  Beware this dadbod trend and married men should be encouraged to keep hitting the gym.

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