Baby Born Pregnant Morning After Alabama Performs First Gay Marriage

gaymarriage

A baby was born pregnant and once again gay marriage is to blame.  Ask any reputable scientist and they will tell you that correlation implies causation.  By that empirical logic we can see that only hours after the Supreme Court forced Alabama to perform gay marriage, babies are now being born pregnant.

The harrowing backstory here started after a newborn baby baffled doctors at a hospital.  After observing the newborn, doctors decided to do an ultrasound due to abdominal tenderness upon palpation.  The scans were shocking:  a miniature baby appeared to be in the newborn.  How can this be possible?

Researchers have noticed that the incidence of the birth condition — now being called ‘Gay Fetal Syndrome’ or ‘Homosexually Induced Fetus in Fetu’ occurs only in female babies whose parents have heavy contact with gay people.  Regions with a higher per capita incidence of homosexuality seem to give rise to this specific birth condition.

Numbers seem to indicate that per 10,000 gays in a region, about 845 newborns will be born pregnant.  But this number sharply increases because for every 1 gay marriage, about 200 newborns will be born pregnant.

Dr.  Emeril Hammond believes this is due to a ‘protective genetic mechanism’ hardcoded into human DNA.  The human body can sense the protein secretions of homosexuality.  If a gay couple is openly coughing, kissing or anything else, the by-product of their interactions are in the air.  When those byproducts reach a certain critical threshold, it can send the human body into a ‘defensive’ state.  For pregnant women with female children, this means their child can be born with HIFIF.

“The body senses the rise of homosexuality, so it doubles down on a developing fetus’ X chromosome and creates a mini homunculus that will grow once the newborn goes through life and reaches adulthood.  At that point, that homonculus will grow into a baby, thus ensuring at least one more birth for humanity.”

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1 Comment

  1. chris strehlow February 19, 2015
    Reply

    So the avg birth rate per 1000 capita is about 13 per year in america. So in a population of say 1 million, thats 13,000 a year. So for simplicity sake we can say half of those would be female, so 6500 female babies a year.

    So roughly 7 out of 1000 (lowballing on old numbers) households are same sex in america on avg. So thats 0.7% of 1 million people are 3500 couples.

    So if 32.5 gay couples get married in a year (less then 10%). Thats would be EVERY female baby being born pregnant. You can even use the “gays in the neighbourhood calculation”, then you can assume through osmosis 500 female babies will be born pregnant already, so you only need about 30 gay couples per year.

    Long story short buddy… your “statistical data” (if it can even be called such)… is bunk. Especially since a pregnant baby happens less often then a blue moon.

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