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Black Robots Commit 96 Times More Crime Than White Robots, Scientists Cannot Figure Out Why

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black robots commit more crime
Honda released its new ‘Black Asimo’ robot line today and the results were shocking. Instantly, the black robot was aggressive, assertive and domineering, pushing the white Asimo robot out of the way as it instinctively flashed weird gang signs. Several researchers report that ‘lab equipment is coming up missing’ and one scientist claims the black Asimo ‘frisked her and with through her purse, forcefully’ in an elevator.

Startling news from Honda laboratories has alarmed scientists all around the world. One day ago Honda unleashed ‘Asimo Black’, designed to be a companion robot that can identify with minorities and be introduced to the home by the year 2020. But initial statistical data already finds that black Asimo robots commit 96 times more crime than white Asimo robots.

{adinserter 2} Robotic researcher Kiyomira Sakurai explains, “The black robots are violent! We did nothing different to their core programming, their core design. As soon as we turned on the “革新的なモビリティの黒高度なステップ” (Kakushintekina mobiriti no kuro kōdona suteppu, or Advanced Step Innovative Mobility Robot-Black) [black robot], it instantly threw up an American gang sign and backhanded one of the scientists.”

Shocked, the team could only watch as the physically powerful robot mugged everyone in the lab room. This was a first and violates the robot’s core programming. We would have tased the robot, but it would have destroyed its $7.4 million prototype shell, so we let it run loose. The only good that came from it is statistic tracking for the amount of crime it committed.”

Researchers hesitated before activating Asimo-Black II and Asimo-Black III units, but ultimately decided to do so but with similar results.

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  • honestabe
    January 6, 2015 Reply

    Somewhere in recreating the human psyche, a cognizant being recognizing it is of black skin or shell causes it to become more violent, instinctively. Look at the animal kingdom and it is also the same. What is the most violent bird? A crow. Black bears are known to be more fierce and savage than polar bears. What humans have the highest crime rates? Mhmm...

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