Annabelle Goodman
Desperate for attention and rekindling fame among his lazy, unemployed reality-tv show voting base, Barack Obama is taking to reality television to capture the ‘hearts and minds’ of the nation.
In the wake of “Here Comes Honey Boo Boo’s” demise, there is a major demographic opening for a new reality tv star to emerge. That is exactly where Obama plans to gain his next boost in Nielsen ratings and presidential popularity.
“There was this game we used to play in Kenya and along the Nile. The name of the game translates to uhh “Snake Magician” in your American language and it is similar to how tiger handlers or gator handlers can stick their head or hand in their animals’s mouth,” an anonymous intern confirmed Obama to tell his staff.
“Well, let’s bring that to television. The American people will love it and I’ll have NASA make me a suit that can kick our old African game up a notch!”
NASA’s budget went up by $83 million over the last few months and it was hidden behind the development of the ‘Orion’ space flight. But insiders reveal that there was a secret budget in that amount to ‘make a new war suit for Obama’.
A senior official with NASA warned, “Don’t be fooled by Obama’s promo and promises to get eaten alive by an Anaconda. He wants this suit as his new powersuit for a coming war in America. Please, heed my words. We have made this suit able to withstand the vacuum of space, the atmosphere of 1,000 Earths and nothing less than force of a nuclear bomb can even chafe the outer coating of this suit.”
“The suit is powered by nuclear fission, solar power and can convert any material into water, air and basic proteins and vitamins. Obama can live in this suit for decades to come and no one will be able to stop him.”
Insiders at NASA confirm that after delivering the message above via email, the senior official has been missing for ‘over a week’.
