Ferguson Police Caught Drag Racing Fleet of Deloreans to “Travel Back in Time And Take Care of This Black Problem”
The Ferguson Police Department bought a fleet of 20 DeLorean DMC-12s this week. Officials estimate the department likely spent over $1 million on the purchase and blew its budget for the next decade, but a senior spokesman with the department claims, “Oh just you watch, it’ll be well worth it.”
The FPD bought the DeLoreans as part of their ‘Operation Clean-up’. While it may sound ridiculous to others, the science bureau of the department was allegedly tasked with finding creative ways to combat the threat of ‘suspicious and angry’ black men on the street.
Last night the department activated 12 of the DeLoreans for field testing. The DeLoreans were placed one after another on Martin Luther King Jr. Blvd, where the officers waited with great anticipation.
The FPD spokesperson continued, “If one of us is successful in traveling back in time and changing history, we will know in present day because the name of this street will change! It will no longer say Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard. All across the country, you can go to your inner-city area in every city and see that there is no Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard or High School, and even better, no more black people being allowed to vote and walk on sidewal…”
Before the spokesperson could finish their statement, one of the officers loudly whispered everything was being recorded on tape. “Of course, we treat everyone equally here in Ferguson,” the spokesperson said.
Internal documents show that the Ferguson police officers are using Nazi time travel blueprints to install small devices into the cars. The department will not confirm if any of their testing is successful, but they do blame rioters for ‘throwing nails in the street and causing one of our cars to crash and a K9 unit was lost in that incident’.