NFL Player Admits to Spanking Fetus in the Womb, “You Can Never Start Too Early”

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Daqua’nn Jenkins is the latest NFL player to confess his passion for spanking children at a young age.

Moments after Reggie Bush admitted that when he spanks his 1-year-old daughter, he tries not to leave bruises, Jenkins issued an immediate statement also in defense of Adrian Peterson and letting everyone know his dedication to parenting.

“I told everyone months ago that my daughter is not going to grow up to be a selfish-little thot.  She ain’t gonna go down that road, so you got to let her know daddy’s discipline from day one.”

Earlier in the week, Jenkins was accused of pushing his pregnant girlfriend out of a moving car and then smacking her belly around in an elevator.  When police were called to investigate, Jenkins let them know, “I was not hitting my girlfriend, but I was trying to let my fetal daughter know it’s not okay to be a flirtatious harlot with Daddy’s friends.  She was also causing her mother to have a stomach ache and that made us leave the party early, so I spanked her for that too”

Jenkins continued, “If you look at the MRI, there is not even that much tissue damage.  Just some bruising.  I can guarantee you that even before my baby is born, she will know right from wrong!  No one can tell me how to discipline my kid, no matter where it is!”

When Jenkins was confronted on the fact that his child is actually only around 4 weeks old and not legally alive, he again was ready to field the question.  “My baby is alive and well, just ask any Christian out there.  So if you are pro-life, you are a hypocrite if you are saying I don’t have the right to spank my child, even if it is in the womb.”

It is unclear if Jenkins girlfriend plans to continue to press charges.  A spokesman for Jenkins reveals the football player is on suspension from free agency and refers to his spanking as “a pre-emptive strike, the same used by George W. Bush to prevent terrorism.  I’m just trying to prevent my little girl from being a terrible little welfare Brenda hoodrat when she’s grown.”

What do you think?

Written by Abe Goodman

Champion of American values and spreading morality to the unsaved world. And if you don't like that, you can just get out of my country smart-alack.


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