Miss America 2014 Accidentally Flashes Crowd in Skirt, Still Better Talent than Red Solo Cup Winner

Miss Nebraska 2014 accidentally gives the viewers a new view of the pageant.  

Unless you’re a Scotsman who is letting his intimidating manhood dangle in the wind as you defy Britain one last time, a general rule of thumb is when wearing a short skirt, always remember to bend and sit ‘like a lady’.

Now that kilt-wearing Scotsman are even more disgruntled, we can get into the meat of the story.

Everything started when Chris Harrison tried to warm the Atlantic City crowd with typical pageant humor, offering the knee-slapper, “Judges are looking through the beautiful gowns, not literally, that would be wrong.  The judges will be looking at personal style and flair of each of these contestants.”

Hardy-har.  But what happened next, right on queue, is just unfortunate.  It is even worse that I actually didn’t watch the pageant, it was not a writing assignment.  I was prepared to give social commentary on why playing with a Red Solo Cup should not be a talent that gives you the crown.

Some may say it shows young women that ‘anything can be your talent’, but to me it just means when they go to college they will think “Oh, screw studying.  Anything can be my talent.  Red solo cup night with the Sigma Chi!”

Seriously, America.  What is wrong with you?  Also, a wardrobe malfunction can happen to anyone.  I remember a few years back, I bent to get some soda into the bottom of my cart at Costco.  I ripped through my trousers and everyone got a good view of my tighties as a ran to my car.

What do you think?

Written by Abe Goodman

Champion of American values and spreading morality to the unsaved world. And if you don't like that, you can just get out of my country smart-alack.


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