Ferguson Area Squirrels Develop Primitive Armor, Fear Being Ran Over By ‘Asshat Police for Sport’


The Reverend Al Sharpton released this image of a squirrel in armor today.   According to the Civil Rights activist, the police of Ferguson have become so drunk with media power that they are now openly running over squirrels in the road.

“It is a situation of great tragedy, that these cop commit these acts of great malady, upon these innocent squirrels that just want to roam freely in the streets of this city!”

A crowd of protesters gathered around the Reverend, cheering him on as the squirrel looked about timidly.

“Last week I saw a Ferguson cop gun his car and run down a squirrel in the broad daylight!  Were is the justice!  Were is the peace!  Why cannot these squirrels return safely to their homes in the trees in the park!”

Ferguson Police did not respond to our questions about the veracity of Sharpton’s claims, though the Ferguson Chief of Police released the following video of a squirrel stealing a delicious, nutty candy bar from a local convenience store.

“In the video, that you media begged us to release, you can clearly see the squirrel is agitated and aggressive.  It looks to be a very BLACK squirrel and it is robbing that convenience store,” Chief Jackson reported.

“You just cannot know that the state of mind of that squirrel when our officer was forced to run him down in the car.”

The police are claiming the squirrel was making erratic, spotty movements in the street, refusing to drop the candy bar.  One of the officers allegedly pursued the squirrel, getting into an altercation where he suffered numerous abrasions that the squirrel allegedly dealt in a flurry of furious swipes.

“The officers were forced to retreat to their car and as the squirrel fled, then feigned to raise its paws in surrender, they had to make a split second choice.”

While media have reasons to question the Chief’s version of the story, especially since he was officially caught telling lies about the Michael Brown tape released weeks ago, an internal investigation is underway.  There is no word yet if the Department of Justice or Department of the Interior will launch independent investigations.

What do you think?

Written by Alannah Arrington

Alannah Damara Arrington serves as the Senior Editor for Big American News Media's Grabnews Network International (GNI) and Weekend Recap. She joined the network in 2003 and now serves on the board of media directors.


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